LAST BLOG FOR THE YEAR 2007

I'm looking up at a canopy of black, coated with little white, off-white and yellow dots.

I'm looking at the sky, and I'm standing at an open bar, somewhere in the middle of Kingston Jamaica, talking to someone I haven't seen in a long time. I asked her a question that can echo in the consciousness of anyone who hears it:

What have you learned about yourself this year?

She tells me about relationships, growth and knowing certain things she wants in a mate, how she wants to be treated and all the whys behind it. She mentions several other things, all of which I nod to when i'm listening. Then I respond.

"This year," I say, "Has been about emotional boundaries, hitting them and then crossing them." I say to her. "I have understood key things about circumstances, my willpower and my desires that I never realized before."

This is true. 2007 has effectively been a year that reflects a touch inside my consciousness that feel likes the hand of some unseen God has been guiding me in the dark. I'm a planner, and most of the plans I have made have come to pass.

But inevitably there are things you cannot plan for. You cannot plan for the actions of others, you cannot predict days when unrequited love stirs within you and make you restless, you cannot envision moments that can drastically change your life because you interacted with a cerrtain person, and you can never know what tommorrow holds.

I learned this through a few interesting circumstances. If someone told me in December of 2006 that I would travel to Europe three months later it would be literally impossible for me to believe that, but it happened. If someone was to tell me that I would write two full-length manuscripts in two different genres as well as a full-length screenplay, I wouldn't believe that either. If someone told me that in 2007 I would enter a brutal mental battle to fight for love, I probably wouldn't believe it. In fact, there are numerous things that happened that all seemed to have a touch of serendipity. A chance meeting with a girl at a bar who read a certain non-fiction writer, lead me to write my second project for the year. Me choosing a specific class with a certain teacher eventually lead me to some other artistic pursuits, which might change the course of my entire near future in a way that was both inspiring and a little scary.

But the year didn't hold mere circumstances with interesting outcomes. This was a year that many people I know were going through a crisis about their age. "I'm a quarter of a century now" everyone is chiming. But I never went through that. I like to think I'm in a small Village in a mountainous region in China, where everyone lives to be 120. Twenty-five is a cakewalk. I will never say "I'm two thirds of a century old! My word!"

However, I do realize after this year that many people are effectively changing because or their self-imposed age stamping. It seems this is a positive thing for most people. I've noticed with women that even though they are supposedly leauges ahead of men in maturity, the age 25 thing makes them chill out some more, or get extremely antsy. With guys, most of them talk about plans, "Doing what I'm supposed to", etc.

This is another thing 2007 has brought me, the viewfinder to the picture of my aging demographic.

When all is said an done, I can look back on the year and almost honestly say I have no regrets. Every circumstance good or bad, or things that have been done to me that hurt me, or things that I have done, or otherwise, have all lead me to where I am presently. They have all added to my consciousness, spun around millions of times in the ooze of my brain, and produced an end result that I can quantify.

I don't really have new years resolutions. I think many NYR's are too vague and leave people in a strange situation. I think a New Year is merely a continuation of what i've already started. Therefore, instead of saying, "This New Year I have to get ripped, make a million dollars and start that venture capital company", I'd rather just say "This new year, in all the plans I have already made, I will hold myself to 30%-50% improvement in all areas I possibly can. " This relates to my personality, my responsibilities and my readiness to do things I have been hesitant to do before.

THAT is the main thing I can say about 2007, that I can adequately gauge new aspects of myself I was never able to before and make sweeter decisions because of them.


But obviously, I am human and I cannot simply look at this year in terms of achievements and numbers. Even this morning I woke up with a tingle inside my system, a feeling that clenched my stomach. I was feeling connected to someone I haven't spoken to or seen in a long time. I felt her presence around me, and I saw her eyes in the early morning. Why did she rouse up from the pits of my mind? I have no idea, but I have learned this tidbit over the last few years:

It is not the why of a memory or a desire that is important, rather, it is knowing that once someone touches you living or dead, they will always be a part of you.

That realization makes me feel calm when I'm hit with these odd emotions. I honestly don't believe getting "tough" is the key to growth, it is more about actively accepting certain realities. Two ex-girlfriends of mine are married and another two are engaged. These things are not things to really worry or puzzle, but to accept.

But this morning, I felt a touch of someone again, as if she was right beside me sleeping blissfully. It is fitting that it is at the very end of the year this happened. I have no idea if it is a signal from the universe spurring me on to act, or if it is just a random memory that decided to resurface at an equally random moment. Like many things in my life, I no longer question the cause, but merely accept the result.

I like the dynamics of life; the passion that comes with biting into a circumstance and not letting go, the lingering feeling in your chest when you want something and you can't have it, and that emotional release when you are two steps away from getting what you really want. I like the desperation that comes with charging into the unknown, a slight sense of trepidation when you can't see the outcome of an impossible situation and I like it when your mind forces you to hope.
I like my mind's mental picture of the faceless woman out there I have not met, the laughter of my friends and family and the quiet moments when I stare at the clouds. I'm also intrigued by that which I cannot see or hear; the laughter of my future child's voice, the feeling I will experience stepping onto foreign soil in some distant locale and not knowing what is coming next.

I like it all.

2005,6, or 7 and all the years I have been alive have had these things in abundance, and they will not be going away.


To 2008, and beyond.

Bembe & Quad, my second homes

I've heard of people going to Quad three times in a week, and I've always though these people were relegated to "ilder" status. I've been to quad numerous times, and I've always left with a grain of salt in my throat. Its a club with a familiar theme, the same music and most of the time, the same people. Why then, would people go there three times in a week?

Well, most people have nothing better to do.


There are no other clubs that operate in the way Quad does, therefore, the fallout of every major party will spill to one of two locations: Quad, or Asylum. I've since stopped going to Asylum for reasons I can't remember, and reasons I can't try to remember. All I know is that this week, I have entered that special group of people who have been to Quad three times in one week.

I'm not upset, its just that I never EVER thought I would fall into that demographic. Thankfully, each time I went to Quad it was not a thought spawned from the recesses of my consciousness. Each time, I was being a gratious host, and taking someone out after a few outings. I have no idea how I will be able to function in DC upon my return to the states. Firstly, I drive in Jamaica, and it is INSANELY convenient. Secondly, everytime I go out, the after snack everyone relishes is Jerk Chicken.... and the guys that sell jerk chicken (i.e Jerk Chicken men) are everywhere to the point where its impossible to find a large venue without a jerk chicken man waiting outside to serve hungry patrons after one party finishes and they start heading to another party.

But I must say, my last outing to Quad was really good. I went on Saturday and on Christmas night, and both nights were a little off. But last night, boy, it was so packed it had to be fun. I believe that when Quad is stuffed to the brim with people, it is truly the time to go. What better time to go to a club than when it is completely full of people all tryin to have fun?

Either way, I haven't observed anything particularly hilarious in the last two weeks worth mentioning. I have been going out non-stop, and I have a severe lack of sleep going on. But Christmas is family time, jerk chicken time and introspection time. My primary thoughts have been meditations on the very near future, a few career options that have presented themselves to me and feeling glad to be alive. I can feel this way now because I'm in the tropics, but when I re-enter that Winter atmosphere of DC, well, I might not be as peachy.

However, life goes on. In three days it will be a new year and like most people, i'm lookin gforward to big things right?

We'll see.

Stuffy Girls + Mavado = Merry Bloodcl**t Christmas

www.I'm looking around, and I don't know where I am.


My friends and I are rolling around the neighbourhood of Norbrook in St. Andrew, Jamaica. We are on a quest, similar to that of Frodo Baggin's in his quest to deliver the rings to the volcanic mountain in the heart of Mordor. We are looking for a place called Cedar Grove, which could fit any number of LOTR situations. "There ye go," says a bush that can speak. "When you walk through the green fields of Manor Park, pass by the Norbrook Creek and you'll find Cedar Grove a few paces through an enclave of trees." Sadly, there was no talking tree to help us find this place, but a pizza man making a delivery at a housing complex would. Armed with our knowledge, we proceeded to drive the wrong way yet again.

We turn on a road called Park Drive and see many cars parked, but hear no music. I immediatley know this is a "big man" party. (i.e, businessman/doctor/lawyer drinkup). A few individuals confirm this. They don't know where the mysterious Cedar Grove is either, because they probably live up in Gordon town somewhere...near Mordor.

We eventually find the party and we laugh. Cedar grove is one street away from the house of a friend of mine... if only she had been in the country when we were on our quest to find the house...

We reach extremely early and get eyeballed by a few guys as we come in. Its a bottle-party, and for the uninitiated, it works on the BYOB rule. (Bring Your Own Bottle). Our bottles are stashed in the car, but I'm more interested in seeing if this party will be a flop or not. My friend goes to chit-chat with a few guys standing near the pool and I talk to the guy who lives on the premises.
"Its not a problem," he says. "Have a drink with us. Drink!". His eyes are a little glassy for 8 p.m, then I realize those guys have been drinking for a while.

This party will become an example of the strangeness of certain aspects of Jamaican society i've grown used to. My friend has been telling me for over a week that the guest list is filled with really hot girls and it should be a good event. For me, these parties are 50/50. It is usually an assortment of people from similar backgrounds who all know each other, who stand up, talk and pose. They occassionally use the bathroom, walk back to thier spot, and pose some more. It is a very boring, but extremely common. Just wait until you pay five grand for a party and see everyone do the same thing, THEN it will blow your mind.

I like to talk to people, and I like to interact with people I've never met before. But if you say "What's up?" to a guy standing beside you, then he looks you dead in the face and walks away, then you are in a really tough crowd. Luckily for me, I learned this little tidbit through my friend. "Even the guys are giving attitude?" he lamented. It was funny.

This is a version of the small town effect. If people don't really know you, they won't say hello, or otherwise interact in a manner that is past what I call "ATM behaviour". At an ATM, a person might look at you, give you a vapid nod and then walk away as quickly as possible. This party was similar, but the area was small. The Vapid nods ran abound, but there wasn't much space to walk briskly away to.

This party was the usual representation of this area of Jamaica; a smattering of ambiguously racial individuals, all of a similar hue, most of whom are well off. The split between the racial groups became quickly apparently. Near the pool where the speakers were, you saw more dark-skinned people in groups standing up, moving to the music. Near to the front by the entrance were all the ambiguously racial kids drinking up and chit-chatting.

Luckily for myself and my cousin, we left the party for about an hour to rendezvous with my sister at the airport. On the way there, we laughed to ourselves as my friend send me a text:
"Boy...tough crowd star."

I could see why. But this wasn't the first and last place I've seen this type of behaviour. It is a very encapsulated, anti-social behaviour i've observed for as long as I can remember, but now I'm more like Jane Goodall when I watch these people interact, than an annoyed socialite.

I test my theory about how stuffy these girls are by chatting to a girl standing near to me. She looks at me in the same way a lifeless mannequin would, trying to avert her eyes. I chose her for one reason: She has been standing in a small group of girls at the mid-point of the pool crowd and the entrance crowd for most of the party. As far as I could tell, not ONE guy approached her, tried to dance with, or even speak with her. Her friends all seemed to be content to stand where they were and not talk to anyone. So I said to myself, "Ah, let's see if these girls REALLY got dressed, left their houses, drove up here, all in an extreme effort to completely isolate themselves and NOT talk to anyone."

Sadly, I was right. I asked her a cute question about her age and I got about as much response as a mosquito biting the ass of a Rhino. Eventually I ended up telling her something to the effect of" Oh? That's how you always talk to people? hrm... I ABSOLUTELY CAN'T talk to a girl like you! Ciao."

Not that the statement really meant anything, but hopefully at least one ice-chip fell of her heart. So the night progressed in the same fashion, with my entourage getting mostly drunk, me chatting to a few of the more social girls in the party and trying not to drink too much myself.

High point of the night : Strolling in, being taller than most company present, sporting bottles of Vanilla Vodka, opening said bottles and doing shots while pointing at girls and telling them "If you want a drink, you'll have to tip me baby!"

The party begins to get dull and we leave and head to our favourite after spot, the infamous Wally's for some Jerk Chicken. Immediately a battle ensues. Our first statement to wally is, "Yeah man, Wally run the BIGGEST piece of chicken!"
To this statement my friend immeidately protests, saying that I am using my role as the driver to squeeze favourable opinion. I see Wally toss a massive piece of chicken on the chopping block and give it a few decisive whacks with a large meat cleaver. I grab the ends of the foil the chicken lies on.
"You lose." I say with a chuckle. My friend begins the protest again and then a dark grey SUV pulls up. A man with a shaved head and dark eyes looks directly at me. The car comes to a stop no less than a foot from where i'm standing. My cousin, who was in the background touched me.
"Yo, that's Mavado in there."
"Really?" I reply.

Sure enough, I glance into the car and see the Gangsta for life staring back at me. Contrary to popular belief, his myspace picture doesn't do him justice, he looks MUCH rougher in person. I felt like saying hello, or even raising a fist to salute him, but I felt an odd fear course through my system. After all this is the guy who talked about murdering infants and doing certain things twice a day.
"Yow, we want some fowl fast!" Mavado barks at Wally.

For the second time that night we are relegated to lower status. First by prissy chicks who like to dress up and not talk to anyone, and then by the Gangsta for Life. We couldn't help but laugh.
Wally forgets my chicken and immediatley starts to work on Mavado's order. Our eyes widen as we see Wally pull out two of the largest pieces of chicken I have even seen.

"Damn, " I say. "Wally, you give the man di "Real McKoy" piece of chicken!" My friend adds,
"Damn Wally, you have the Mavado stash waiting in the back!"
We all start laughing and then I look nervously to my left, hoping Mavado isn't pointing a gun at me as I say this.

Thankfully he isn't.

Wally chops up the two large pieces in record time and starts tossing Ketchup and pepper on the chicken. He puts back the pepper bottle and them Mavado speaks for the second time.
"Yow! Put more BLOODCLAT peppa pon di chicken! You tink a gyal you a serve?!"

Wally froze for a moment. He is always smiling, and I felt that he himself would erupt into laughter, but feared being shot as well. He put a few more sprinkles of hot sauce on the chicken and handed it to Mavado and his driver. Mavadao gave us a quick glance.
"Yeah, stand up you dun know!"

The SUV pulled off with a roar. The three of us pause for second and then start chatting excitedly. "Yeah, stand up, you dun know" is the equivalent of Mavado wishing us a "Merry Bloodclaat Christmas" or something to that effect.

The night in brief review:

We came from an event with some stush chicks, got trumped by Mavado in the chicken line at Wally's, and it was great. For the next few days, anything myself and my cousins were eating would be predicated by the statement:

"Yow! Put more BLOODCLAT peppa pon di chicken! You tink a gyal you a serve?!"

Christmas in Jamaica is awesome.

-= Back in the Warmth =-

There has been a lot happening in my life.

So much in fact, that I haven't been able to do much for the last few weeks. There has been occasional introspection, the odd moment where I've been told Mike's hard lemonade isn't a "manly" drink, a few interesting situations at Random parties like being handed a brochure for a one man StarWars performance by a guy dressed like Chewie, among other things.

But now, i'm back home. Lately i've been in a strange situation. I sometimes think my landlord sits on top of a futuristic looking throne, figuring out ways to give us particularly cruel and unusual forms of punishment. The latest punishment do with a lack of heat. Thankfully, I am back into the warmth. Driving from the airport, I looked at the Rolling green hills in the distance, scanned the vibrant and verdant atmosphere, and I felt at peace. The last time I was at home I was tense for a few reasons, uneasy for a couple more, but this time I feel quite relaxed. Christmas songs have been annoying me recently, and if I hear "Feliz Navidad!" one more time I just might punch the next old lady I see. But hopefully that won't happen.

I've always tried to describe how Christmas in Jamaica feels, but I can never put it into words. It has something to do with it being a little cooler, seeing everything a shade darker, and knowing another year has come to and end. Maybe I'll write a long post about the things I've learned this year as a person and as a writer, but I could write volumes about what i've learnt about women more than anything. But ... that's another story.

I feel like writing something, maybe a short story or two to cap the year out, but I don't know yet. I'm going to watch another Chan Wook Park movie about vengeance after the actions of some really crappy movie. (By the way, Chan Wook Park is a Korean film director :p).

Either way that's it for now. No stories of weird situations and angst here. I may write some of those later. I would love to drop a tidbit about meeting a swath of European people, each from a different country who all knew each other while I pretended to be a black Scotsman.

Or maybe I'll tally the number of girls in the last few weeks who've said "Let's go out!" who dissappeared in a blur of voicemails. I dunno.

I'm in Jamaica and its warm. I don't feel like the cold is sharing my bed and trying to massage me in my sleep in a very uncomortable way.

till such time..

Karaoke and Vodaka Gummi Bears shots

This weekend, someone would explain to me how much they hate the Ocean while working for an Ocean preservation non-profit.

I will be asked where a functional brothel exists in Washington D.C.

I will sip Vodka in a small cup filled with gummi bears.

I will also sing “The Lion Sleeps Tonight”, in perfect Falsetto.

Thursday night was the start of my weekend. I was entering that place of disconnect again, this time not induced by writing thousands of words in a fat, 120 page manuscript, but this time it was because of a highly complex business plan I had to create without having much data to substantiate 90% of my projections. At about 11 p.m I splash some cold water on my face and twiddle with my mohawk—a hairstyle I’m employing of late—and I grab my Jacket. Before I leave my house, my roommate tells me about how a guy offered her his virginity while they were studying for a final. I laugh about this as I walk to catch the Bus. The Bus doesn’t show, and I find myself wondering if I should even go out. Its cold, and DC looks like a huge black cloak.

I decide to go out.

For the second time I exit one the wrong side of the Dupont metro station, putting myself three blocks North of where I’m trying to go. It dawns upon me that I have an aversion to “South” exits, but I have no idea why. The last time I came out the wrong exit, I was almost lost, cursing myself because I really wanted to sip on my 2 dollar rails at the Lucky Bar. Tonight, it was better and after a light jog through the dark park in the middle of Dupont, I was back in the scene. I like Dupont in the way that a person likes visiting a nice hotel. I don’t always go there, but its always nice to step in and out every other week or so. Going to the Lucky bar has become somewhat of a ritual for me on Thursdays, but tonight I truly feel like I’m in the real world. I’m going out to have a drink--a drink ladies and gentlemen—not going out to meet and greet women or spend odd period of time being the only black guy on the dance floor… I am going ot have a drink, to relax.

I am mildly annoyed as I enter the bar, simply because it is filled with people and they are not moving, yet they complain about the door not being able to open... the very door they are standing in front of. A few girls grab their purses and cell phones as I step towards them at the bar, and I’m tempted to look one of them squarely in the eye and say “I already have a cell phone… wench.”

But I hold my Conan-esque needs to vent inside and chill. The night would end up with me engaging the purse grabbers in intense conversation before I headed home.

Friday wasn’t a blur. I usually like Fridays to be a blur, so that on Sunday I can struggle to remember who “Michelle No.3” is in my phone. I wanted to head to Adams Morgan, that delicate little slice of weirdly social DC life that I love to peruse, but I decided against it. Something told me if I went to Adams Morgan that night, I would run into people I’d rather not see. I headed to my default location, Wonderland and it was all good. I sat under a set of large outdoor heaters that closely resemble those walking man-killers from The War of the Worlds. I spend an hour talking about Capitalism with two pro-capitalists and an anarchistically inclined libertarian. “ Capitalism,” I say “Is expansive. For Capitalism to exists it needs to use resources and expand to suport itself.” One of the pro-capitalists, a guy named Fox (who was literally dressed like Fox Mulder in the “X-Files”) asks me, “ So are you saying if Capitalism doesn’t expand it will fail?” I reply. “No, I never said it would fail, I’m just saying it is by its nature expansive.” The other pro-capitalist a girl named Ashely, says to me, “Well Captialism works because even in America, poor people have cable.”

At this I pause.

Normally when I interact with libertarians, I am intrigued by the somewhat black and white way of thinking their interests represent. A country with poor people with cable is a good thing, and because anyone can (supposedly) get an education, then by choice you doom yourself to a life of misery regardless of your background of financial means. I think about this for a few minutes as the conversation continues, then two tall bouncers who look like ex WWF wrestlers tell us we need to go inside. Then myself, David Duchovny’s stunt double and the pro-capitalists head inside.

I realize I don’t dance much anymore. I talk, smile and drink. This would be sad to some people, but it’s a measured form of socializing. Its fun. This is where I meet Ocean girl. She works for an Oceanic preservation non-profit but hates the fact that the people around her are so obsessed with their jobs it makes her hate, yet love her job. I laugh as she says this and speak for twelve minutes about her t-shirt, which says “B is for Bling.”

Friday night ends strangely. I step out of the bar to have a late night drink of tea with a cute girl I met a week before who lives nearby. She tells me with no qualms she is so comfortable around me that it has fueled her to learn more about me on a soley friendly level. “The physical, “ she explains. “Detracts from how cool it is to just learn about one another you know?”

I nod, grab my coat and leave.

Saturday I was charged to go to Adams Morgan and touch a few bars. This wouldn’t happen. I was hanging with my buddy who likes Indie chicks with a huge sense of style. In DC, Indie chicks aren’t that easy to find in quantities greater than a handful. I agreed with him that Indie chicks are cool, but I wasn’t into indie chicks ALONE. I wanted to traipse through a few spots, probably Brass Monkey, Grand Central, Spy Lounge maybe, but I didn’t have a wingman for a while so I took it easy. We stopped by Tom Tom briefly to checkout a Guatemalan-themed party on the second floor. I found it interesting that they were playing Snoop Dogg right after some salsa music. That night I would meet a cute Georgetown Law student.

We head over to a Karaoke party in Columbia heights. After seeing rats the size of cats dart left and right as we walked block after block, we see a house with flashing lights visible behind a thick curtain. I enter to see four or five guys dancing excitedly under the intermittent glare of a strobe light. We have a few drinks and sing two songs. I’m hanging with a cool girl I met coincidentally at Wonderland. She reminds me that she’s seeing someone for the second time that day. I nod, and smile.

My friend and I walk to Wonderland at 1:45 a.m, talking about the DC scene and trying to find all the places where Indie chicks are hiding. When we reach the W, its pretty packed. I see a few familiar faces, get a hug from a cute bartender and walk around. The night seems to be an international one. I meet a mysterious looking Greek girl and reminisce with an Italian girl I’ve met before. The Vodka and gummi bears shots I did an hour before are having their effect. I’m warm even though its cold outside and I’m not thinking about anything in particular.

My friend goes home and I leave soon after. On my way back home three guys sitting on some steps ask me a VERY interesting question. “Hey man,” one of them says. “Its 3:45 a.m and I want to get laid. Where can I go?” I laugh to myself and tell them if they wanted to meet girls, they probably should have gone to Wonderland. “Is it still open?”Another one says. “No.” I reply. They guys are call from Ohio, in DC for two weeks. One of them, a short, jolly looking fellow who seemed quite innocent asks me:

“So where are the whore houses?”

The guy who stopped me, a guy wearing a baseball cap stops him.” This isn’t Europe man, there aren’t whore houses in DC.” The guy turns to me.” So yeah, do you know if there are any brothels around here?” I laugh and tell them no. I give them some advice… they can go on the internet and search for DC strip clubs, because that’s the best advice I can give.

I smile to myself as I walk away. On my way home, I see some friends of mine taking luggage out of a car and I get a drop home. In my e-mail, is a message from a friend who’s in DC for a day. I try calling her but the number is Canadian and I’m still buzzed. I sleep and have a weird dream about having a biracial son.

I wish I had dreamt about a brothel.

Candy Corn Makes Me Horny

I've found the latest aphrodisiac.

Candy Corn.


I'm not sure why Candy Corn of all things stirs my insides in a way that makes me wake up wishing I was in any number of pornographic films, but it does. The Candy I bought exactly one week ago has been sitting in my system, stirring up my desires and fueling my dreams in a strange way.

Then again, it might have nothing to do with Candy Corn. Sometimes when our minds are pushed to the limit, we can engage in what are called "mental extremes" which are spurred on by a sudden shift in emotional state. That might explain the hundreds of TV "sex after a huge fight" scenes, or the dozens of "bloody sex after i've killed a person" scenes i've seen during my lifetime.

I've had a huge deadline to accomplish this week, and I'm 99% done. In order to apply for a lucrative opportunity, I had to finish a film script i was working on in 4 days instead of 25 days. Between Monday and Today, I wrote about 80 pages, plus did multiple re-edits and still the bastard isn't finished. This is where my "shifting emotional state" theory comes in.

Yesterday I called Comcast, and laughed to myself briefly because the "hold" music sounded like cheezy 70's porn music. I wasn't on the phone all hot and heated with a Comcast representative, I assure you. I had to listen to that track for almost 5 minutes...which i'm guessing is the average length of a 70's porno.

Recently I watched this show with Robocop Alum Peter Weller called Screamers, which is an interesting sorta post-apocalyptic dystopia film where sentient aliens scream at a frequency that kills people.... in a nutshell. If you've watched any Peter Weller films, the man is like an 80's Charlton Heston, 100% man. What does a 100% man encounter in all his films? A saucy vixen of course. Even if it is on a mostly empty, frozen planet on the outer regions of some barely colonized area of space. In this movie it was a hot brunette. I personally didn't find her her that attractive, but the Candy Corn did. In an interesting scene in the movie, Peter Weller and this woman are speaking about escaping from the planet and heading to Earth and she removes her clothes (with no provocation) and proceeds to dab herself with warm water as they discuss these plans. I thought 100% man would have gotten some right there, but sadly, they don't have Candy Corn on planets covered in Frozen Tundra.

But this hasn't really been a "sexed up" week by no stretch of the imagination. This has been a week of shifting emotional states. When I write for more than 9 hours straight I tend to experience what I call "disconnect". I realize i'm disconnected when I`m typing and I realize I'm not even hearing the music playing on my computer, or noticing what's on the television behind me. When i'm in the mode of disconnect, if I go to sleep, sometimes I can wake up with such raging sexual tension I wonder if I was writing an explicit paper on the theories behind the origins of the "Money Shot" in pornographic films before I went into dreamland.

But at the end of the day, I always think its the Candy Corn. After all, I've gone into "disconnect" a few times this semester, and they have never had sexual side effects.

This has nothing to do with my Candy Corn tirade, but is it me, or has Vilo Ventimiglia's character in Heroes (Peter Petrelli) been shirtless in EVERY episode so far? I noticed that yesterday after wishing Masi Oka would be an asshole and sleep with the Japanese hottie and destroy the space/time continuum. Again, that was the Candy Corn speaking.

Heroes has been really annoying me lately, but I will save an entire post for that heroes rant. But since this is a Candy Corn post, I will mention, there has been only one Character who has been laid in Heroes so far who's significant other hasn't died or been written out of the show-- Adrian Pasdar's (Nathan Petrelli).

Anyways, I digress.

I am eating some Candy Corn as I type this. I didn't feel any effects today, so I believe it was all in my mind. When I woke up at 6 a.m this morning, ready to donate copious amounts of my manliness to any number of Sperm Banks, I theorized I probably hit a cycle, sort of like dogs in heat, but much, much more subdued. But i'm human, so I walked over to my computer, turned on some music and drank some water. I rubbed my head a bit, opened the curtains and hopped onto the computer.

I wrote more of my script, sipped on my water, and ate some Candy Corn. Even if the week was a Candy Corn induced high-low sexual madness period, at the very least the weekend is right around the corner. Which means I will replace Candy Corn with alcohol, and all will be right in the universe again.

The Drunken Anarchy

Twice this weekend, I will travel to Dupont Circle.

Twice this weekend, I will meet women named Anna.

Twice this weekend, I will feel as if I am dreaming.

The first occassion was on Saturday morning. My friend Jane called me at 8:25 a.m I find myself with my head spinning, speaking in a croaky voice to Jane, who is bright and chirpy. I believe I am dreaming, because I have never spoken to Jane this early, and I have only spoken to Jane four times on the telephone. When I heard my phone ringing and saw Jane's number on the LCD, it didn't seem real. The sun was out, but my head was heavy and I felt last night's buzz still clawing at my back.

The second time I would feel as if I was dreaming was ACTUALLY a dream. At 2:45 a.m on Saturday morning, I'm walking from Wonderland back to the train. It has been a particularly productive night. A girl named Justine approaches me at the bar and makes a statement that a 5 foot tall, reasonably cute blonde girl would not say without alcohol in her system, or possibly the presence of a celebrity. "You're cute. We should exchange numbers." As buzzed as I was, I actually took this as an invitation to speak to her, but then she compeletly ignored me. When I called her the next day, someone named Erin answers the phone. When Justine does come on the line, she says "Oh! I'll call you back, I just got out of the shower." Silly as it may seem, some people think that people are completely idiots. Three hours later, I send her a text message saying:

You win. You hold the record for the longest post-shower drying period in history!

In the train station, I am spent. It has been a particularly long Friday, and I spend the night downing beers, talking with friends and women I've never seen. I'm walking with a controlled buzz, the kind I know will probably give me a headache the next day if I decide to go jogging, but also the kind that won't bother me in the least if I don't do any major physical excercise. I sit on a bench near three young women. They all glance in my direction as I sit down, semi-unaware of them. I am not thinking about women when I am on the bench. I'm calculating how many odd steps it will take to reach home after exiting the metro at almost 3 a.m. A friend of mine taps me on the shoulder in an attempt to scare me. If I was completely sober, I would have probably yelped like a piglet. The most I muster is a "huh? Oh, what's up man." He laughs and tells me that i'm drunk. I protest and begin speaking to the girls beside me about the night i've had, and how drunk people are the people who drink at home and don't call anyone. My friend hops on the train on the opposite platform, his massive silhouette dissappearing into the confines of a sleek metro train. The three women are all good friends. Two of them are Law students at George Washington, and one is visiting from California. I have some very interesting conversation between the 2 minutes it takes to get from Columbia Heights to Shaw Howard. In those two minutes, the girl from California guesses I'm from Jamaica. I find out the girls names are Heather, Katie and Leigh respectively, they also ask me about some candy corn i'm eating because they themselves bought some at the same CVS I went to earlier. I tell the ladies goodbye and hobble home. I mentioned to Katie that she should add me on facebook.

I have a dream that she does in fact add me on facebook, which is what led me to wonder if the call from Jane was real in the first place. On the train, when Leigh guessed I was from Jamaica, I winced. Earlier that night, I ran a test on a girl named Bridgete (yes, with one 't') who was into Celtic music. "If you guess where I'm from. " I say, "I will buy you a drink." She looks at me and says, "Jamaica!" with no reservations. I sigh and end up buying her a sprite. (Luckily for me she doesn't drink). She invites me to come and check out the celtic music on Thursday. It is somewhere near Chinatown, and i'm not sure if I'll go. Maybe when Enya comes to town.

I want to try and get a cute bartender's number, but I can't bother because I'm interested in sleeping more than anything. A few of my friends come and go, and I find myself floating around and talking to a girl from Georgetown named Ally who likes to dance with her arms around my neck. Her friend Anna (yes, another Anna) pulls her away when its time to leave. She looks on me longingly and gives me a wet kiss on the cheek. I smile and wave.

A young man in a brown sweater with diamonds on the chest constantly gives me high fives and fists for reasons I can't figure. He is wearing a Kangol hat and has the look of someone used to getting what he wants. Not in a Tony Soprano sort of way, but in the way that a guy who used to bully kids in school looks. He comments on my outfit briefly and I tell him about the time a bouncer almost molested me at a bar. This story is not true.

I meet the boss of a girl who works at Urban outfitters. Her boss is a dashing brunette with dark eyes and a breath heavy with a liquor I can't name. She approaches me, constantly saying: "Show me what the fuck you got?". We do a man-to-woman te ta te for a while. She dances seductively, but drunk women annoy me after a while... I'm not that type of guy. I feel like showing up at the Urban Outfitters where she works and shout out: "Show me what you fucking got!"

That would most certainly get me tossed into jail. As usual, I meet another girl visiting from outside of the good old Washington D.C, a southerner named Kelsie (or was it Katie? i forget.)
I make plans to head to Ibiza with a friend of mind. He says it is guaranteed that we will meet some chicks. I tell him its an "Asian Haven". His eyes don't really sparkle, because he's Korean.
Mine don't either. The last time I was at Ibiza I experienced the kind of culture shock I should experience in a foreign country, not D.C.

Ibiza was pretty cool though.

I flop into my bed and take a few deep breaths and find myself falling asleep. I toy with the idea of watching the latest episode of Heroes and decide against it. The world of dreams awaits me at 3:30 a.m and I have to wake up for an entire day of activity at 9. Its all good though. Good to be alive and well, function in a world of oddity and semi-disfunction /:.

No 1 Can Hear U Singing in D Rain

Its raining and I feel like singing.

Its Friday, and so far I've shared the company of three women under three umbrellas. I wouldn't say this is a great feat, but it beats walking with my own umbrella by my lonesome. On rainy days I don't like to stay indooors. The columns of rain droplets peeing on the land always makes me want to walk around and look at puddles, wet dogs and soggy pieces of newspaper. As I write this, I am sadly not in the rain.

I'm in a computer lab sitting across from a guy who I think had a brief hookup with a girl I once dated. I find this interesting, simply because he probably has no idea if I hooked up with the girl he once hooked up with (though he did give me a lingering eye). Nonetheless, it is raining outside.

Lately my impetus to write has been mixed between my impetus to go out and socially interact. (yes, I said "impetus" twice in one sentence...I should be put on the Writers' Guild guillotine ASAP).

My last outing was over the weekend, the amazing Homecoming weekend. I'm calling it amazing because this particular weekend was great, because I spent it in the company of five people. Myself, my cousin, his friend, my other friend and my alter-ego, who I have dubbed "Vinton."
My alter-ego is that side of me that wears his hair mangly and half braided, who sneers at women and cheers guys on the more they look at women's asses. Vinton is the kind of guy you wouldn't invite to choir practice, a job fair at school, or a wet t-shirt contest.

Luckily Vinton doesn't appear as my alter ego through any phsyical changes within me. He is merely a voice, that gives credence to his existence. Say for example, myself and my cousin and his friend are walking down the road.
"Yes," my cousin says about a girl named Alice. "Alice is a good girl."
After a brief pause, Vinton would say in a hushed and scraggly voice.
"Good gyal? You mean she can get some good wuk."

(do I have to explain what "wuk" means?" )

Vinton's occassional appearance is good for a quick laugh or a skewed observation on a hot issue. All in all the weekend was pretty interesting. At homecoming events clubs hustle. I don't like knowing that last week I paid 5 bucks to get into a club that sold 3 dollar rails, and homecoming weekend it costs 25 (before 10 p.m) and drinks cost 8 dollars each. Things like that make me want to slap a bouncer in the face ... but I like my teeth.

There were moments I enjoyed during the weekend--dancing in the middle of a group while I was cheered on for my dancing among my favourite--but it was the company I enjoyed the most. Sometimes a guy needs to be a guy around other guys, for that explicit purpose. (I'm sure Vinton would say:" Guy? You need man in you life? " )

That was a guy's weekend. I didn't even make any attempts to meet new women or do the usual drinkup to the point of floating on air. I just had fun.

Today was diferent. Its raining in DC, and I feel like its a sunny day.

I'm bored and I decide to head to Filene's Basement to get some new jeans. I have lunch with a cute lacrosse player and we hop on the shuttle. She is going shopping for shoes.

After a thrilling conversation and a short metro ride later, I found myself at Border's near Farragut North. It was raining so hard outside of the metro station, only the large white letters of "Borders" was visible through the deluge. I didn't even remember what direction Filene's was in. My new pair of jeans would have to wait for another day to be tried on and purchased. I hobble through the rain, making sure to look expectantly at any cute women walking with large umbrellas, but I find no saviour on this Friday. I'm glad the walk is only one block. I walk through the store, wincing a little bit inside because this store has a potent memory in it for me. My ex-girlfriend and I argued inside and outside of the store for almost an entire hour about whether or not Alligators had tongues. As it stands, they do NOT have tongues... but that is a moot point. (I think crocs have tongues, or vice versa...you get the idea ).

I'm in the sexuality section and I grin to myself because a book about "Race, Image and Citzenship" is between the "Licoln Boys Club" (gay erotica ) and "Omnivore's World" (general health).I like seeing people read 35 dollar books for free. Everyone is quiet and soaking up their free literature. I almost step on two girls drinking coffee in the Self-help aisle. I'm slightly tempted to speak to one of them, a cute brunette wearing a horrible-looking red jersey, but they leave twenty seconds after I pass them. Border's isn't that cold, but I'm freezing because I walked into the place soaked. I head into the Border's cafe and sit and write a few stanzas for a song I made up while walking. (Therefore, I DID sing in the rain). After I peruse the formidable selection of mindless literature they have, I head outside and stare at the falling rain. It is captivating and hypnotic, being shrouded in the claustrophobic atmosphere of a city, slowly being drenched with fat droplets falling from the sky. I am one of the only persons without an umbrella on the street side, looking like a bull in a big... freaking china shop. After a while, I give in and walk towards the metro station as it pours, feeling the droplets hit my head, skitter through my hair and travel down the slope of my nose. Its wet and it feels good.

Potent memories of ex's and arguments about bogus topics aside, its good to be alive. Its good to be aware of the rain hitting my face, and feeling my body shudder occassionally. I'm thrilled by the prospect of reading, engaging and interacting. The gray sky no longer looks portentious and intimidating. The sky, like the buildings and people around me, is merely an extension of my reality. I can choose how I perceive it, among many other things.

I shudder once more, and wonder to myself if I should get an umbrella. I would certainly keep my head under something protective. "Nah..." Vinton starts to say, "What you mean unda? Bad man don't go "unda" anything...just pon top a gyal!"

Baby Blocking is Unethical

Its one of those days again.

I'm on the metro heading towards Farragut North, i'm standing akimbo in a train moving at probably seventy miles an hour, testing fate. Okay, i'm not standing Akimbo, but I am look through the lenses of the train (otherwise called Windows) and I'm wondering why I'm even on the metro so early the in week. To me the metro is a sacred place, relegated for Friday, Saturday and MAYBE Sunday usage. During the week, it is not to bee seen or touched.

While i'm bustling about in the thick crowd in the Chinatown station, I'm running towards the train and a man with his infant child in a very cheap looking baby carriage veers in front of me, even though he saw me coming. "Ouch." I said to myself."The baby block." Now, the 'baby block' isn't nearly as bad as the Jesus Cock Block, but its oddly familiar. The Jesus cock block was weird and downright strange in how it happened, but this, this was unethical. It is not fair for a man who has lived life, had sex (i'm assuming this and also assuming the child was his) to put this fragile, thirty something pound baby in the way of a semi-tallish guy who weights 175 pounds. It is unethical to assume that I even care about babies and that I would stop before I slam into the side of the pram, sending pacifiers and baby limbs flying asunder.

Luckily for the man, I pause my sprint and and allow him to go past me. He hurries along, blocking at least two more people before the tell tale sound everyone hears before "Doors Closing" chimes through hidden speakers in the Metro train. I'm glad that I stopped, because I really didn't want to have to explain to Metro Police why I sent a helpless child flying ten feet after his father was walking with him in a "calm, cool and collected manner" towards the train. I know it wasn't like that, but naturally that's what any protestant (and unethical father) would no doubt say to the police while they glare upon me with contempt. There are many other kinds of Baby phenomena i've witnessed, two of my favourites being the "traffic block" and "baby angst".
The traffic block happens when the unethical parent doesn't just assume the casual passerby is acutely aware of their baby's existence and are therefore in awe of the small life form, the parent assumes that HUMANITY itself has a vested interested in her 9 month project. At this junction, a parent will merely stroll onto a street of busy traffic, red, amber or green light and smile at the ensuing chaos as individuals maim, injure and kill themselves to save the anonymous child. I've seen this happen several times and it always baffles me how condifently these parents stare at the face of death on these roadways, when the face of life is staring back at them, blinking and unable to speak without the use of "goo" or "ga".

Baby angst is the reverse of this situation, where a woman or man assumes that everyone knows what a daunting task parenting is and are therefore believes it is okay for everyone to be privy to their bouts of annoyance in any situation. "Since I had my son, " a man might say. "I've had no time to myself!" Then he would probably attempt to slap me and then apologize for his "baby-induced" anger, or "babe-rage". Whatever the case, I tend to avoid pregnant or baby-carrying women who work in restaurants or public places because should they give me bad service, an odd look or a feral growl of dissent when I ask for that second glass of water, it is simply "understood" that I cannot say anything becase it is due to Baby angst.

Alas, I digress.

Interesting Comment -

I got a comment which had a link to a website based on my "Cloud Nine" Post. It was pretty cool, seeing someone quote some of my work. Click the pic to see.

Cloud Nine - Writing competition Entry

I have a lot to write about, the last few days have been pretty crazy. Not only did I meet four girls in one night who all work to save the environment, flew to four states in less than 24 hours, but I saw a friend of my proclaim "Yay! White people" when Tupac was playing at a bar I went to recently. I also met a nymphomaniac cab driver. I'll blog about those things pretty soon. I'm posting a story i'm entering in a writing competition. Its only 2,000 words. A very quick read. Ciao.

Cloud Nine

By Marcus Bird

Cloud Nine

Nights like these, Vince thought, made cold people wrap their arms tightly around one another while bustling to some destination. Nights like these the sky is streaked with grey clouds that turn into a brooding, black coat. This was the night he smelled Michiko’s hair. He was by himself—an amazing feat considering he hated being alone—and always felt the need to express himself through people he knew. He went to a popular bar, called Cloud Nine which had great Wednesday night happy hour cuisine. It was in this place, eating a Caesar salad, he saw Michiko. She walked in, a bundle of foreign expression, an externality of the rawness of Japan’s populace and fashion sense. She wore a shiny gray jacket adorned with large yellow buttons on the shoulders and a thin yet form fitting black vintage tee; followed by a chocolate brown skirt and long Cat-in-the-Hat looking socks straight out of a rugby player’s closet. Vince was in mid-bite when she walked in. She looked perturbed, lost in another country, or searching for something. Her eyes were dark and mysterious. Even her hair, a large bob of luxuriant styling courtesy of some uber-expensive Tokyo fashion shop, stood out. As Vince stared at her, she glanced at him and held his gaze. He coughed briefly, turning his eyes, and finished biting into his salad. After a few more chews, he glanced through the corner of his eye in her direction. She was at the bar, standing by herself.

Something inside him stirred in a way that it had never done so before. Maybe it was her striking contrast to everyone else, or maybe it was her foreign touch, that spark of Tokyo-pop and extreme fashion that tickled his relatively conservative sensibilities. Whatever it was, it gave him impetus. He sucked his teeth to check for vegetable particles, and wiped his hands on a napkin. A few long strides took him to the bar directly beside her. As he asked for a drink, Michiko hopped up quickly, so fast that her hair flew upwards and slightly touched Vince’s face. A smell briefly wafted into his nose.

Bubble-gum and Cookies.

She squealed with delight about something and Vince turned to see her hug a young man, also of Asian descent. He was much shorter than Michiko, with a round face, spiky hair and gentle eyes. In a full black shirt and pants, he was also in contrast with Michiko’s outfit. “That’s the DJ.” The bartender said. The bartender was a young twenty-something year old guy with a small outcropping of stubble on his chin, a wide well-proportioned face with a permanent cleft in his left cheek. He always seemed to be smiling.

“Is that his girlfriend?” Vince asked.

“No, nothing like it. She comes here every now and then to hear him play house music.”

Vince looked over to where the two just were, and they were gone. He turned his head and looked across the room. He saw Michiko sitting in a plush couch near to the DJ booth, where the small man was setting up.

“That’s DJ Yoda.” The bartender said with a laugh. “I love star wars.”

He slipped Vince a Vodka Cranberry and turned around to polish some glasses. Vince felt the same twinge of that weird feeling run through his stomach again. Michiko was sitting quietly in the couch, in the soft shadows of the lounge. Her hair almost covered her eyes, making her face look like a beautiful yet disturbing mask. She flicked up a strand of hair with her finger and looked directly at Vince. At this point, a hand seemed to be pulling him forward, tugging him towards the mysterious woman with the funny socks. Vince found himself with his drink in his hand, floating over to Michiko. She gave him a bright smile, showing rows of small white teeth.

“Can I sit here?” he asked.

“Yes, please!” Michiko replied.

“I love your socks.” Vince said.

Michiko let out a loud laugh that sounded like the jingling of bells. When she laughed, Vince’s eyes flashed to any number of hypothetical bars in Tokyo, where she would be sitting with some equally quirky girls, laughing in a booth on the twentieth floor of a nameless building. Laughing that same laugh.

“Thank you, thank you!” she exclaimed.

Vince knew she was from Japan. He had been there himself for two months, walking through the almost maddening architecture of a contiguous landscape, filled to the brim with people. There was a certain look many of the locals had, a look that a person who lived there for some time could pick out immediately. Sometimes it was a certain slanting of the eyes, the shape of the nose, or even the walk, a particular gait reserved for certain boroughs. Then it was the fashion, the odd sensibilities that reflected a city of bright colors, flashing lights and time-your-watch-to-the-second trains. It was like technology and man had mated and produced a host of Michiko’s, happy to exist in a world laced with self-parking cars and rapid text messaging in Kana.

“I’m Michiko.” She said.

“I’m Vince.”

“Vince?”

She said his name in the usual Japanese way, adding “su” to the end. Vince was now, Vinsu?

“That’s’ right. “ Vince replied.

“You like Japanese girls? Eh? Vince-san?” she giggled.

“I like all girls.” Vince replied.

“Ah, so-dayo..” Michiko said.

Vince smiled to himself, “Is that so”… bounced around in his head as his mind translated her little phrase. They spoke for a few minutes until the music started. Michiko ordered a few drinks and Vince followed suit. As they downed drinks time seemed to slow, with the taste of alcohol setting the tone for each moment that passed. Eventually a crowd formed on the dance floor and Michiko's eyes brightened as she heard a familiar song. Without any hesitation she went into the absolute middle of the dance floor, rocking to the music with her eyes closed and hair swaying. Vince eased his way into the center with her, doing a semi-awkward motion of house dancing relegated to those who spend their days walking in the park.

Michiko was wild—dancing like a possessed squirrel—and Vince struggled to keep up. She had an odd rhythm to the pulsing house beats playing. She was half-hopping and half-shaking in a way that didn’t really work with the music, but in a way … it did. In the middle of the usual interlude in a house song—an instrumental break of about thirty seconds that leads to the reintroduction of the bassline—she gave Vince a hug. Her body was small and firm and Vince could feel her shape as she pressed against him. The smell of her hair mixed in with the smell of a strong perfume she was wearing. She kissed him on the cheek, with soft, tiny lips and laughed.

“Dance, Vince!” she said.

Vince felt the buzz of alcohol hitting his body in waves. The music sounded duller but the bass was everywhere, reverberating off the walls, rattling his teeth and scratching the insides of his ears. The club was full of people as well, many of them looking like moving mannequins in Vince’s increasing blur of disconnect. Sometimes he looked at the DJ, standing in his booth with a massive pair of grey headphones on. If he looked up, Vince never saw it. He was fully focused on his job, pleasing the crowd… pleasing Michiko. Michiko grabbed Vince’s hand and pulled him close to her. After dancing for twenty minutes, the lightest sweat was on her neck, it glistened with each flash of the strobe lights overhead. She reached up and over his shoulder and grabbed him, pressing her face against his. Vince felt her lips quickly force his lips open, and her tongue, small and searching, invaded Vince’s mouth. The kiss seemed to last forever, and Vince found himself becoming enamored by Michiko. Her weird sense of style, the way she smelled and how she kissed all seemed to be perfect indicators of something he wanted. Something he needed. They broke the kiss for a moment, and he looked at her in the frantic glow of flashing lights. Her eyes were still dark and mysterious, and Vince wondered how many other guys she had kissed in this way, or looked at with those eyes. She felt slim and supple in his arms, and Vince found himself beginning to wonder how her body looked. It wasn’t something he was thinking the moment he saw her, but now after that kiss and her subsequent gaze—it was impossible not to.

“Let’s go outside.” She said. Michiko bounded with surprising control over to the DJ booth and gave Yoda a kiss. In the brighter lighting of the booth, she looked beautiful. The light accentuated her features, showing the slight flush her cheeks becoming red and made her hair look so shiny it almost didn’t seem real. They exchanged dialogue for a few seconds, but for Vince it seemed like forever. He was still thinking about the moment after they kissed, when she had her arms around his neck, almost staring into his soul. After giving Yoda another kiss on the cheek, she walked back over to Vince. They walked across the marble floors of Cloud Nine, excusing themselves as they felt dancing bodies lightly brush them. They grabbed their coats from the lobby and walked towards the exit. A few large bouncers in dark glasses stood motionless at the doorway, not seeming to breathe as they walked past. A set of large transparent doors with an artist’s rendition of a series of clouds on it was at the end of the lobby. Vince pushed the door and they stepped outside.

The first thing Vince felt was the cold hitting his face, then he felt Michiko’s hand in his, and it was surprisingly warm. She wore a soft orange jacket that fit her form perfectly. With a zip going all the way up the front just below her face, she looked warm and comfortable. “I got this jacket in Shibuya.” She said. “It’s a nice place in Tokyo.” Vince nodded as she said this. He himself had enjoyed walking through Shibuya, shopping for shoes and t-shirts. They walked down the sidewalk, not speaking for a few minutes and then Michiko turned towards Vince.

“I like you Vince.”

“I like you too.” He replied with a smile.

The statement seemed half-sincere, as if she said it knowing that something strange was about to happen, or that she had some kind of power Vince was not aware of, like telekinesis. Michiko must have read Vince’s thoughts.

“I don’t have a boyfriend.” She said. “But I am new to this City. “

“Oh? The bartender says you are a regular at the Nine.” Vince added.

Michiko laughed softly, echoing the sound of softer jingling bells.

“Cloud Nine reminds me of one of my favorite lounges in Tokyo.” She said. “It was funny that the DJ who played there is actually Japanese! That was so crazy. Even though I’ve been here for two months, I’ve been to Cloud Nine maybe five or six times.”

“Ah, sodaro. “ Vince said.

Michiko’s eyed widened and a smile forced its way onto her face.

“You speak Japanese!” she said with excitement.

“Just a little.” Vince said.

She gave him a playful slap on the shoulder. They kissed once more and held hands.

“I live just a few blocks that way. Would you like to come over?” Michiko said.

Her voice sounded more reserved than before, and the tell-tale signs of her alcoholic buzz were wearing off. Vince could feel himself normalizing too. It was probably the cold.

“Sure, we can drink some ocha and watch terebi .” he said.

“Hahah! Drink tea and watch TV… very well!”

Michiko held his hand and they walked in the darkness of the night, heading towards her place. Vince felt the stirring in his stomach again and looked at Michiko’s hand entwined with his. It had been a long time since he had met anyone so interesting that liked him. He could see himself in Michiko’s life; probably at more clubs, eating at restaurants and sitting on a couch together watching television. He wondered if Michiko was thinking the same thing, seeing them through the designer panels of her Tokyo mind, creating an alternate reality with more gadgets and brightly colored clothing. They stopped by a row house with a bright blue door on the corner of a main street.

“Here we are!” Michiko said.

As they headed inside, Vince thought it was ironic that they met at Cloud Nine. In the morning, he wondered if he would know that he didn’t just go to Cloud Nine, but that he was on it. Michiko laughed again, a cascade of soothing resonation that made Goosebumps run up his neck, and Vince knew he would get his answer.

Explosion Implosion

It's one of those days. The kind that make you feel like punching a wall, or taking a really long sleep.

I'm not sure what to blog about, because I'm a serious mixture of tired and frustrated stemming from a huge number of things that are probably more personal that I'd like to say (at least for now)... so I will just say Tuesday wasn't that great, but Wednesday can always be better than monday.

Monday = Fallout

This weekend was a fat blur.

It was a fat, pungent blur, filled with enough random circumstances to fill any number of observational narrative books you can find in any Urban Outfitters store. Long weekends are a crazy social scene. Tack on another day to get over a hangover and you have an extra day to get a hangover.

Sunday was no different. The fallout from Saturday was:
(a) talking Japanese with two girls, one native Japanese, one from New York.
(b) meeting the three K's (Kat, Kate, Katherine)
(c) meeting the two Anna's
(d) waking up finding bits of paper with myspace/facebook information on them
(e) subsequently not hearing from anyone

I can't say this weekend was the most hardcore a weekend has ever been for me. But then again, one needs to define "hardcore" to establish what it truly means. For most, it floats between having a good night, and "almost blacking out". On Sunday, two people I was hanging with would explain to me their various nights of reaching the coveted "Black out zone". A mysterious girl I met the night before (Saturday), explained the quota.
"It takes probably 19 beers for me to black out. "
I said, "wow, I can see this guy--"I pointed to my friend Nate, "drinking 19 nineteen beers, but not you."
"Damn, I can see myself drinking 19 beers! " he replied.
The conversation would go like this for a long time. But in terms of the weekend being hardcore, I'd have to give it a 6.5 out of ten. In terms of mental stimulation and the "very cool" factor, it would get an 8. I'm slashing two points because there is no romantic ending to this affair. This weekend has had an interesting theme of educatedly-alcoholic discussions. It is funny to see how passionately and eruditely people can speak about dense, technical issues after seven glasses of wine. It is also interesting to note, how attentive YOU can be, when watching these people extoll the virtues of proper water-shedding pracitces to preserve our water supply, when a drunk (yet very intense) guy is simply like "But... we need plastic!"

Today was a "me" day. Meaning I had nowhere to go, no one to hang with and I needed to get the hell out of my room. The better my night was before, the smaller my room seems to be when I wake up. It is as if the world itself is pulling me outwards, telling me to enjoy the sun and look at the green-leafed trees before they become bare and the sky is grey for months on end.
Its a fitting end to a blurry weekend... a five hour introspective hike across the sprawling DC landscape. My stomach is growling and I eat a protein bar and drink some water. I'm feeling liberated after being so "open" this weekend and I sport a tank top, cargos and my always fashionable Von Dutch trucker. I stop in Chinatown for about ten minutes. Fall is approaching and I want to grab one or two hip looking sports jackets for those longs walks home. I see a few hung up and I make a mental note of the names and the sizes, then I start walking towards the National Mall.

To me the National Mall represents DC tourism. On any given day you can see buses filled with dozens of curious looking Asians, and people speaking a host of Germanic languages. Chinatown is ten or so blocks away from the Mall, which is a wide, sharply designed area that's the tip of the political hub. For about half a square mile, large museums dot the perimeter of a large open space which leads to the Capitol building, shadowed by the massive totem pole people affectionately call "The monument".

I'm walking around and snapping pictures, which naturally leads everyone to think I'm a tourist. (I see no one else wearing a ribbed tank top and cargos for the rest of the day). The last time I was at the Monument, I was watching an AFI (American Film Institute) "Screen on the Green" presentation of Annie Hall. That was one of the first times I truly saw a huge difference between white American culture and everyone else. Just before the movie started, a very old, horrible looking HBO graphic floated across the screen, as low rate synthesized sounds chimed out some horrible version of a pre-digital age jingle. At this point, several thousand (white) people jumped up and started dancing as if possessed by the devil. The screen was well over fifty feet in height, and by my inaccurate estimates I would say there were no less than twenty thousand people in attendance. The dancing was interesting, but not monumental. Hah.

I end up going to an exhibit in the National Air and Space museum. I snap pictures of Korean artwork and eye many cute, visiting Asian girls. There are tons of families milling about. Everytime I see these couples, whatever theories i've heard about aesthetics and the "typical guy" women wants is shattered completely. I ALWAYS see a tall, bald white man with an extremely gorgeous black girlfriend/wife. Or a tall, waspy white man with a gorgeous Asian girlfriend/wife.

I don't look on these people with envy, but I do wonder how it happens sometimes. Before the day is over, I will end up in Ballston to collect a guitar tuner from a guy I interfaced with on craigslist. I will see a short, very hairy chested man (the hair was literally pouring out of his shirt) with a very tall, very attractive Asian girlfriend/wife. The guy wasn't ugly, but he was closer to Wolverine than Superman. This trend isn't limited to waspy white guys of course. I do see many a tall, bald black man walking hand in hand with a cute Asian, but the trend over the last few weeks has definitely been:

Average white guy + attractive girl of other race.

The second to last time I came to the monument, was after a bad breakup with a girl I really liked. That day it wasn't easy watching all the waspy, squirrely men walk by with their gorgeous wives/girlfriends. That day I was wearing a nice white linen shirt, a fresh pair of "man capris" and my famous hat. That day I wanted to feel attractive, but the unbalanced couples all around me was like a slap in the face. Today, it wasn't like that. I don't feel lonely walking around a museum by myself. I am genuinely interested in reading up about Award winning pictures, Korean activists and the mating habits of Terns (a type of bird). I browse the museum a little longer, wondering if I should walk up to a group of Japanese-seeming tourists and say:

Sumimasen? Ago ga wakarimasu ka?

I decide against it. I have a copy of my project in my bag, and I spend the better part of thirty minutes reading through some of my writing. As usual, I'm not impressed by what i've written. These are my thoughts, and my experiences. Re-reading dozens of pages of my own prose isn't inspiring, or very interesting. Its like listening to my mind speak. It is almost boring, but its saved by the fact that there are some anecdotal memories associated with much of what I write. I sit on the steps of the museum, watching about twenty Asian families go in a large purple bus, and I wonder if I'm cut out to be a writer. I wonder if i'm just a 'passionate' writer, who had a great memory as it relates to conversations and circumstances, who can "somewhat" write. Sometimes I used to re-read things I wrote a long time ago, and I would marvel at how well it was written. Now, it is like looking at a page of barely legible scribble. Some call it a personal bias, I call it a lack of innovation.

I get up from the steps and shrug my shoulders. I'm listening to a Goo Goo dolls album, and one of my favourite tracks, "Am I gone" plays in my head. Part of me is hoping i'll see someone I know, but the odds of that are staggering. Most people are using the Monday to sleep, or recover from a nasty hangover. I'm using it to excercise my right to exist in a pattern of conditioned loneliness. I grab my man-bag, and head towards the metro. I see runners dripping rivets of sweat onto the hot midday soil, some wincing as they run, making them look like the messengers of somthing scary and forboding; they are the harbingers of Nike shoes. Some people are laying on tree trunks, sleeping as the leaves comfort them for another few weeks. I ask two large (possibly gay ) men where the metro stop is. They give me a concerned look and I head into the recesses of the city's underbelly. On the train, I switch my Ipod to a dancehall mix, and start reading the Onion. Even though I am sitting by myself on this day, I find solace in laughing at a joke that someone made up.

Maybe writing isn't so bad...

Von Dutch Ireland Man

"Oh ho! Von Dutch Ireland Man."

This is something I would be called twice in one night. There was a period in time when I liked to wear Von Dutch caps. I must confess my initial impetus to get one of the caps was watching an MTV special on "It" clothing and the first chance I got, I headed to nordstrom to get a hat or two. But unlike a lot of people who wore them mainly during that time period, I still wear mine on occasion.

Last night was one of those nights that's part-blur, part survival-horror movie waiting to happen, if somehow Washington D.C mysteriously had its water supply infected by a malevolent plumber recently kicked out of a closed doors Union meeting.

People would comment on my hat twice for the night. My first stop was a house party somewhere on Otis street. This is near the lovely Wonderland, to the tune of six or seven blocks. I always like house parties, because they remove the touch of skank that a bar can give to meeting someone, but if you have enough alcohol and people a house party can get skanky too.

This night wouldn't be skanky. A few people are watching an LSU home game, and before I say hello i'm offered Alligator meat. I cringe inwardly, trying to make mention of the fact that I eat little or no meat, but I'm trying not to come off like a prude when I'm in the house for thirty seconds. "Please have a bite!" my friend asks me, holding up a very red sliver of "gator meat". I smile.
"Can I get a drink before I start eating anything guys?"

Even though this does not sound humorous when I qoute this, it created enough laughs to create a temporary diversion. I then proceeded to the Kitchen to get something to drink. It was a nice place, fitting into the typical Row House theme i'm getting accustomed to seeing. This party was an LSU party, but grew to a bigger size because 70% of the people invited weren't LSU fans, and were out on the deck.

After a few minutes I found myself on the deck as well, talking passionately with a very Chirpy Archaeologist, a cool NGO worker, the head of fundraising for a Musician's committee and a bunch of other people. It was one of the three K's---three girls I would meet that night with extensions of the name 'Kat"--who would say something extremely interesting to me.

Kate, the archaeologist had that almost tv-like super-blonde bubbly energy. It was very cute.
"Tell me what you are passsionate about." She said, after telling me just why Archeology was just the coolest thing ever. I proceeded to go into a light talk about choosing a career and how often times if you are in school some classes you might hate, some you might like, but inevitably you might hate more classes than you like unless you choose the perfect career. Kat, who's career I was not aware of, explained her theory on it.
"I make all my classes interesting in my own way. For example, if I'm in a Math class, I just sit down and say to myself, 'well... what if you take X number of parents without children in Rwanda and Y number of Orphans in Bosnia and add them together?' that's how I do it."

I guess it made sense, but hopefully she was mixing her math class with her international relations one. This dialogue continued for a while and people sipped wine,wine wine. My friend gave me his reason why wine was so good two days before. "Wine is friendly with you. It sits with you in a nice, easy way, you know?" I have to agree. You can drink five or six glasses of wine, thinking it won't mess you up until you stand up and fall face first on the pavement. Thankfully, that wasn't me.

Our host hopped outside for a second, mentioning that they would be having a nice "recreation time" upstairs. "Ah," I said. "That kind of recreation."
"I don't do coke." she replied. "Maybe if I worked in a Law Firm in Georgetown, that would be expected, but its just weed here man."
I nodded as she said this (to me, "recreation time" meant smoking, not snorting.)

I was hoping the party would spillover into Wonderland, but apparently the night was hot. There were two more parties going on at various spots all nearby. "What are the parties" I asked Katherine---number three of three K's---who replied: "Well, there's a 70's party somewhere on Euclid and then there's a white trash party on 17th".

I'm not sure why it was a 'white trash' party, and I didn't ask. The 70's party sounded pretty interesting though. We walked down the road for a few moments, and I ended up talking about bikes with a guy who was at the party who reminds me of a really tall version of an actor I can't remember. This conversation about bikes became attractive, and a random guy in a straw hat and white shorts began explaining how he bought a Dahmler-Mercedes bike for 300 dollars and it was piece of crap. I didn't even know you had bikes branded that way (Dahlmer-Mercedes?)

I ran over to Wonderland for a brief moment. The staff were all wearing "Columbia Heights Day" shirts and tank tops and I was envious. I ran into a guy I've seen three times in my life. Once at my friend's Japanese party two yeras ago, second at Wonderland on Friday, and Thirdly on my five minute stop at the W on this Saturday. We talk black politics in bars for forty-five seconds(i.e they were there to get some white nookie). I shake the hand of his half-Japanese friend who is at least six-foot seven. I don't know what the other half is, and I don't ask. They both look ready to leave with two girls each, even they just enetered. I say goodbye and head down to the 70's party.

The 70's party becomes a blur in twenty minutes. I will meet even more Kate's at this party plus the three K's, who are all having fun dancing and chatting. The party is HUGE. When I approached, there were no less than forty people on the front lawn drinking smoking, and talking to each other. Inside was like a sweatbox. Even though it was dubbed a 70's party, the music was all hip-hop, all contemporary. I didn't mind.

I float through the crowd and within ten seconds a guy touches my shoulder.
"Von Dutch! Yeah dude! You're bringing it back!" I laugh to myself, say cheers and head towards the kitchen. As I saw a girl I met on Friday, (one of two Anna's) and she gave me the "oh shoot,he-met-meand-i-gave-him-my-number-and-I-didn't-call-him-back-but-let-me-act-l
ike-i'm-not-a-bad-person" look.
I smile with her and talk to someone else.

After leaving that Anna, I meet the second Anna in the kitchen. She is wearing a summer-esque black dress with a white belt and white shoes. For a brief moment, I am reminded of Sarah Jessica Parker, if she was a brunette and a million years younger. We both lament at the lack of liquor available and I tentatively hold a shot of Jose Cuervo in my hand. Then, I eye a large keg people are pumping beer from, and I decide to take the easy route. We chat for ten or so minutes and the night presses on.

I'm not sure how alcohol, language and interactions work, but the night goes pretty well. I find myself speaking Japanese with two girls from New York. (Eventually they would give me a ride home as well). Each time I go out, 30% of the girls I meet are visiting, and of this 30%, 95% of them are always VERY cool.

After I reach home I fall asleep and dream about having a punk-rock Malay band with a Middle-eastern lead singer. It was a good night.

Pretty Man Stand

At 8 p.m this evening I was in the library.

Right now its 3:07 a.m, so technically i'm supposed to say, "yesterday evening I was in the library." However, I'm speaking the present tense, so I don't really care. It's one of those weekends--a blur of alcohol and a forgotten credit card---that leaves me thinking its going to be pretty goood. Its the columbus weekend, and I want to make the most of it, with as much revelry and little sleep as possible.

Today I studied for two hours on the history of various races of people in America. I wonder how many people know that it wasn't until the 1970's that Japanese Americans were able to be citizens of the United States, or that the history of America is pretty clouded (and mostly white) which leaves the educational system in a very slanted way? I've been reading Media Messages, a book by the author Linda Holtzman, which is extremely well researched. Her arguments makes sense, and she does her research from the point of view of a white, Jewish woman who is trying to be unbiased, but notes that being a member of the 'privilidged' class may affet her research in some way.

It left me thinking about certain things. I do know that the history of America is rather blurry. Andrew Jackson did many things to destroy the livelihood of many Americna Indians in the past(i.e kiling and exiling ) , but he is revered as an American hero based on other things he did. Many people believe that Asian Americans have had it "easy" but the truth shows that many are immigrants who have faced serious discrimination and hardships, even legislative issues that hampered their progress in the United Sates. Even though 90% of all railroad workers that built the railroads in the U.S were Chinese, there are rarely any photographs of them working on the railroads.

Trippy eh?

Everyone knows the story of black Slavery and the subsequent fragmentation of classes (i.e mulatto, etc) but does everyone know that for 200 years the black families were subject to limited education, severe exlpoitation through rape and "property ownership" which severely affect their nuclear family structure? The more I research, the more I realize that most people probaby wouldnt' be aware of these facts, as the basis of these things start at a more elementary level.

The first time I ventured to the American Indian Museum in Washington D.C, there was a cinema inside, where every twenty minutes, they showed a video chronicling several Indian achievements. It was the day after Valentine's day when I went, and I was upset with my ex-girlfriend for being hesitant about giving me a gift. Nonetheless, we took a trip to the museum and I almost cried when I watched the videos. Such a broken and disenfranchised people, so much history lost... so much struggle.

I thought about that as I studied because I knew that I would most likely be heading to Wonderland later on. Wonderland is frequented by mostly white patrons, and reading this information put me in a mode of dialectic thinking. I wasn't angered by most of what I read, but some of what I read made me raise my eyebrows, or made my heart stutter a bit. There was so much information about media initiatives that stirred up racial antagonism (such as the 2,060 lynchings between 1900 to 1930). I can't even imagine that now. Many days if I'm walking home, I may see a young white lady. Maybe I will smile at her and say hello. Often she will say hell to me first.

I cannot imagine a time when me simply looking at a young white woman and saying hello would mean certain death for me. I absolutely cannot. But it was a reality not too long ago. These racial things always tickle the back of my spine. I don't ignore them, in some mad quest to forget the horrors of the past, but I always remember that the majority of people will never research these things or question them. I, as a scholar, studying these things will be all to acutely aware of many things which create the complex racial dynamic that we call the world, and many will be merely affected by it, and react to it. I think both sides are equal, the reactionary side and the scholarly side. We both have to work in some way to give each other information.

Even though I go out and dance with whoever, drink and find myself leaning on a wall, there are times I pause and remember that I am in the United States because of the sacrifice of those before me, as well as the countless others who died in ships, so that I may blog freely on the internet.

Peace.

The Vast Expanse

The clock is winding backwards, and I"m going back in time.

This is how I feel sometimes when I reflect on my past. I mix it up in my mind in such a way thing seem to move in slow motion and I can pick and choose the memories to think about. Today was very long and quiet, so I don't have much to write about. A long weekend is coming up, and I think I will go crazy, hitting up bars and clubs, doing my rub a dub dub.

Club a Dub Dub

I feel like a soggy bowl of cereal.

This is funny, because I'm eating a bowl of cereal as I write this. It is my latest addiction: Raisin Bran. Most people hated this cereal, and I must admit I found myself searching for the raisins as a kid whenever I had the opportunity to eat any. But after the evolution of "two scoops", I am more than satisfied.

Liking Raisin Bran has nothing much to do with feeling like a soggy bowl of cereal. Its one of those days, when it seems like the week is actually nine days long with four days of choir practice. Monday feels like it happened a really, really long time ago, and I keep hearing Leonard Nemoy talk about Star Trek just before I sleep. Maybe this has to do with me not sleeping.

Experts say that lack of sleep can lead to severe disillusion, sexual disfunction and increased aggression. Okay, Okay, no experts say that. But a lack of sleep can certain have an effect on us. For me sometimes I hear life on mute. Or slightly muted. I walk around and everything sounds more quiet, my vision narrows and colours aren't that bright. I'm in class and I can feel myself interacting, but afterwards it feels like someone tosed a cold glass of water in my face. Class becomes a single moment, populated by no memories, just that moment I made the class erupt into laughter. Maybe I am truly becoming a vampire.

I'm not one of those people that really likes to sleep. For years, if I sleep more than nine hours, my stomach cramps and I feel unwell for at least two hours. Sleep to me is injurious. The only time I really enjoyed sleep was when I had to sleep on a mattress for over a year. My room in my apartment was so small that my bedframe wouldn't fit into its confines, and I was forced to sleep near the grond, Japanese style for an entire year. When I went to the apartment of my girlfriend at the time, I was in heaven. She had a massive Sultan Ikea bed that could hold a small army in it. It was soft, extremely spacious and contoured for me. Her bed didn't make me want to sleep, but it definitely made the moments I slept a lot of fun.

Now, sleep is half and half. I know I need to, but I can't spend all day in bed hoping I have dreams involving nubile female ninjas and sports cars.

I went to a presentation yesterday involving creating a dream life through powerful thoughts and a positive attitude. I find this subject matter interesting--I've been studying it for almost nine years--and it was good to get a refresher in terms of my inner potential. But potential energy that sits too long can become dangerous, and I think that mine has not been fully released yet.

Maybe that's why sleep is so weird and I get cramped up. Maybe I need to be doing more than I am (if such a thing is possible). I haven't been able to truly "dream" about anything for a long time. There are moments when I feel excited by the prospects of a bright future, but I think the jaded Rayban glasses America hands to many of its citizens are slowly putting themselves over my eyes. I know things are possible if one has determination, a plan and constant reinforcement of these ideas... but sometimes, its a little difficult to feel uber-happy when you eat tuna and spaghetti five days in a row.

I think that's maybe why my stomach is cramped. It is annoyed by the monotony of my dietary habits, and wishing to change this stomach for one more worthy of this less that stellar palate. Lately i've been too busy to even cook, and I find myself making the fastest meal possible, which is the tuna dish. But sometimes when i'm pitter-pattering about my ratty Kitchen, I can see the well polished tiles of my future home and I see my future wife greeting me with a hug from behind and a kiss on my neck. In my mind I know that I am happy, comfortable and doing the things that I'm supposed to. My time right now is like this week: After I finish what I have to do, I will feel like someone threw a glass of water into my face. All the bad things will be a moment with no memories, and I will bask in the beauty of the present.

Or I could just sleep, and get cramped up and hope for the best.