I feel like a soggy bowl of cereal.
This is funny, because I'm eating a bowl of cereal as I write this. It is my latest addiction: Raisin Bran. Most people hated this cereal, and I must admit I found myself searching for the raisins as a kid whenever I had the opportunity to eat any. But after the evolution of "two scoops", I am more than satisfied.
Liking Raisin Bran has nothing much to do with feeling like a soggy bowl of cereal. Its one of those days, when it seems like the week is actually nine days long with four days of choir practice. Monday feels like it happened a really, really long time ago, and I keep hearing Leonard Nemoy talk about Star Trek just before I sleep. Maybe this has to do with me not sleeping.
Experts say that lack of sleep can lead to severe disillusion, sexual disfunction and increased aggression. Okay, Okay, no experts say that. But a lack of sleep can certain have an effect on us. For me sometimes I hear life on mute. Or slightly muted. I walk around and everything sounds more quiet, my vision narrows and colours aren't that bright. I'm in class and I can feel myself interacting, but afterwards it feels like someone tosed a cold glass of water in my face. Class becomes a single moment, populated by no memories, just that moment I made the class erupt into laughter. Maybe I am truly becoming a vampire.
I'm not one of those people that really likes to sleep. For years, if I sleep more than nine hours, my stomach cramps and I feel unwell for at least two hours. Sleep to me is injurious. The only time I really enjoyed sleep was when I had to sleep on a mattress for over a year. My room in my apartment was so small that my bedframe wouldn't fit into its confines, and I was forced to sleep near the grond, Japanese style for an entire year. When I went to the apartment of my girlfriend at the time, I was in heaven. She had a massive Sultan Ikea bed that could hold a small army in it. It was soft, extremely spacious and contoured for me. Her bed didn't make me want to sleep, but it definitely made the moments I slept a lot of fun.
Now, sleep is half and half. I know I need to, but I can't spend all day in bed hoping I have dreams involving nubile female ninjas and sports cars.
I went to a presentation yesterday involving creating a dream life through powerful thoughts and a positive attitude. I find this subject matter interesting--I've been studying it for almost nine years--and it was good to get a refresher in terms of my inner potential. But potential energy that sits too long can become dangerous, and I think that mine has not been fully released yet.
Maybe that's why sleep is so weird and I get cramped up. Maybe I need to be doing more than I am (if such a thing is possible). I haven't been able to truly "dream" about anything for a long time. There are moments when I feel excited by the prospects of a bright future, but I think the jaded Rayban glasses America hands to many of its citizens are slowly putting themselves over my eyes. I know things are possible if one has determination, a plan and constant reinforcement of these ideas... but sometimes, its a little difficult to feel uber-happy when you eat tuna and spaghetti five days in a row.
I think that's maybe why my stomach is cramped. It is annoyed by the monotony of my dietary habits, and wishing to change this stomach for one more worthy of this less that stellar palate. Lately i've been too busy to even cook, and I find myself making the fastest meal possible, which is the tuna dish. But sometimes when i'm pitter-pattering about my ratty Kitchen, I can see the well polished tiles of my future home and I see my future wife greeting me with a hug from behind and a kiss on my neck. In my mind I know that I am happy, comfortable and doing the things that I'm supposed to. My time right now is like this week: After I finish what I have to do, I will feel like someone threw a glass of water into my face. All the bad things will be a moment with no memories, and I will bask in the beauty of the present.
Or I could just sleep, and get cramped up and hope for the best.
This is funny, because I'm eating a bowl of cereal as I write this. It is my latest addiction: Raisin Bran. Most people hated this cereal, and I must admit I found myself searching for the raisins as a kid whenever I had the opportunity to eat any. But after the evolution of "two scoops", I am more than satisfied.
Liking Raisin Bran has nothing much to do with feeling like a soggy bowl of cereal. Its one of those days, when it seems like the week is actually nine days long with four days of choir practice. Monday feels like it happened a really, really long time ago, and I keep hearing Leonard Nemoy talk about Star Trek just before I sleep. Maybe this has to do with me not sleeping.
Experts say that lack of sleep can lead to severe disillusion, sexual disfunction and increased aggression. Okay, Okay, no experts say that. But a lack of sleep can certain have an effect on us. For me sometimes I hear life on mute. Or slightly muted. I walk around and everything sounds more quiet, my vision narrows and colours aren't that bright. I'm in class and I can feel myself interacting, but afterwards it feels like someone tosed a cold glass of water in my face. Class becomes a single moment, populated by no memories, just that moment I made the class erupt into laughter. Maybe I am truly becoming a vampire.
I'm not one of those people that really likes to sleep. For years, if I sleep more than nine hours, my stomach cramps and I feel unwell for at least two hours. Sleep to me is injurious. The only time I really enjoyed sleep was when I had to sleep on a mattress for over a year. My room in my apartment was so small that my bedframe wouldn't fit into its confines, and I was forced to sleep near the grond, Japanese style for an entire year. When I went to the apartment of my girlfriend at the time, I was in heaven. She had a massive Sultan Ikea bed that could hold a small army in it. It was soft, extremely spacious and contoured for me. Her bed didn't make me want to sleep, but it definitely made the moments I slept a lot of fun.
Now, sleep is half and half. I know I need to, but I can't spend all day in bed hoping I have dreams involving nubile female ninjas and sports cars.
I went to a presentation yesterday involving creating a dream life through powerful thoughts and a positive attitude. I find this subject matter interesting--I've been studying it for almost nine years--and it was good to get a refresher in terms of my inner potential. But potential energy that sits too long can become dangerous, and I think that mine has not been fully released yet.
Maybe that's why sleep is so weird and I get cramped up. Maybe I need to be doing more than I am (if such a thing is possible). I haven't been able to truly "dream" about anything for a long time. There are moments when I feel excited by the prospects of a bright future, but I think the jaded Rayban glasses America hands to many of its citizens are slowly putting themselves over my eyes. I know things are possible if one has determination, a plan and constant reinforcement of these ideas... but sometimes, its a little difficult to feel uber-happy when you eat tuna and spaghetti five days in a row.
I think that's maybe why my stomach is cramped. It is annoyed by the monotony of my dietary habits, and wishing to change this stomach for one more worthy of this less that stellar palate. Lately i've been too busy to even cook, and I find myself making the fastest meal possible, which is the tuna dish. But sometimes when i'm pitter-pattering about my ratty Kitchen, I can see the well polished tiles of my future home and I see my future wife greeting me with a hug from behind and a kiss on my neck. In my mind I know that I am happy, comfortable and doing the things that I'm supposed to. My time right now is like this week: After I finish what I have to do, I will feel like someone threw a glass of water into my face. All the bad things will be a moment with no memories, and I will bask in the beauty of the present.
Or I could just sleep, and get cramped up and hope for the best.
1 comment:
i love sleep...without sleep, i make more mistakes which in turn makes my life 20 times more difficult.
Post a Comment