Good Guys Finish Last

Its been a very draining week. I'm beginning to realize how easily it is to feel isolated in a large city in the states. There is the illusion of booming and ever-present socialization all around you, but honestly its me and then everyone else. As a person from another country, the integration process isn't the easiest. Firslty, this country is divided by Race, class and financial status. For me to pop into a peer group is like trying to knit yarn with spoons... it probably can be done, but i'd never recommend it. I just came back from Chinatown working on a project I know will probably put me in a bad place in a few days. I wrote about it in my project "three weeks" something about being a "weak" person, but I define "weak" in a way that explains exactly what i'm talking about. Either way, I realize there are three main uses of my energy right now. School, schoolwork and eating. There is nothing else. I go to classes, I come home to eat lunch probably, I go back to class then I come back home. Occassionally i'll hope on the metro and go sightseeing in the city maybe, but its all me. As time passes, the novelty of floating around by yourself wears off after you see dozens and dozens of happy beaming couples frolicking in the street.

This make sme think about the future, and I wonder if i'm EXTREMELY busy in the future if i"ll get caught in that trap where I'm too busy to even have a functional relationship. I hope it never reaches that point. Right now, i'm trying to do it all, so later on I won't have to do as much. Its the only thing that gives me a little hope when I'm traipsing around by my lonesome, looking at all these people walking hand in hand gleefully to and fro.

These things also make me question myself and give me material to write. I sometimes ask myself if I'm unattractive simply by being isolated. A person with more friends and has more social links might be socially more attractive, but i'm not sure if this is even a sound theory. I think these are merely the words of a tired student. The weekend approaches, and i"m not even looking forward to it. I will make my usual Friday night outing somewhere ( my friends are suggewting a bar near the University of Maryland) but i'm not sure. Apparently there are tons of eager-looking nubile Asians just looking for a Jamaican guy to hug.

But that's a pipe dream. Being in America and sitting back is really different from the slower pace of Island life. A lot of things here you have to fight for, including social position, grades, relationships. The society is highly individualistic and highly competitive, which gets unnerving when you are really busy and you just want to meet a few people casually. But no biggie, life goes on. Time for some sleep and then the wake up so I can read and do a paper.

peace

Half-life 2 got PwNed

Okay, my title really has nothing to do with anything. I'm just trying to get more subscribers with catchy title headings. The demands of my day to day have been starting to get to me already. I have scripts to write, papers to hand in and i'm always up and down as the cartoonist trying to get something done. Add to that some design work, several books to read and the "bachelor" life and you have a recipe for burnout. So i've been using what little free time trying to get back into my gaming.

Gaming has always been a fun enterprise for me, and now with my new computer, I think I can start feeling that nice squishy feeling inside I used to feel when I was 18. In my Freshman year, I had no computer for the entire first semester, and I was envious, because all the guys in my dorm were playing Counterstrike till the wee hours of the morning. For those who don't know what Counterstrike is, is was a "mod" (meaning modification) based on the original Half-life game engine. Half-life is one of the most successful video games in history, and Counterstrike is certainly the most successful Mod ever. Either way, the game works on a Agents versus Terrorists split. Either you are a terrorist, using Ak-47s and other weapons worthy of a cell, or you are a counter terrorist, meaning your guns and armour are better ...sort of. Either way, coming from the stilted internet in Jamaica at the time (we had a measly 56K at the time), I was fascinated. Not only could I play online at blazing speeds, but with SIXTEEN people at once! It was amazing. Needless to say, when I got my computer in Spring of 2001, I didn't sleep. Actually at the time I was suffering from severe insomnia, but Counterstrike was there to keep me company. I can't describe how it feels for a guy who existed in a non-broadband society to jump into the bosom of super-fast downloads and ridiculous bandwidth. It was like a drug.

So flash forward seven or so years, and i've gone through a few gaming evolutions. My game of choice since day one has always been ID software games, since Wolfenstein and Quake are tattooed on my left butt cheek. (kiddding). As these games got more awesome, my sucky system couldn't play them. It reached a point where all I did on my machine was write, and do graphic design because I couldn't play any video games properly. I had a Gateway, which was a 1.2 gHz machine with I 512 megs of RAM and a 30 gig harddrive for two years. The harddrive died a few times, and then I upgraded to a bigger drive, same machine. Then one day I felt my computer crashed (actually it didn't ) and rushed and bought what would be dubbed " THE BEAST".

Here's where the story gets interesting. Currently i'm on "BEAST" number four, but I think that name is jinxed, so I've dubbed my new machine, "The Piccard". Beast number one was a cool Pentium 4 with a gig of SDRAM (really really good ram). It worked great for a few months, but the started making noises like the kid in The Grudge when I was playing and then it died. Enter beast number two. This I actually bought from a friend of mine when he upgraded. This was a better machine, with a 64 bit chip, 1 gig of RAM and a bigger harddrive. I could play heavy hitters like Doom 3 and Half-life 2 on this one. Not maxed out (meaning all settings put to high) but I could run them. Then that died a mysterious death. Then my most recent machine ( you can check an earlier blog relating to my computer woes with that one) started acting funny and now... THE PICCARD is here.

This machine is a beast. It PWNED halflife on max settings. it PWNED Bioshock two and Quake Wars. If I wasn't tired from school, jaded from lost love and a little bit hungry right now, I would be playing games into the wee hours of the morning. I thought it fit that I devote a blog to my new computer. A cool, dual-core "beast-esque" machine with Windows Vista (gay...) and enough bells and whistles to keep me well into next year. Like Piccard, I will go where no one has gone before.

Into the max-out-everything-verse. :p