The Iliotibial band is in every serious runner’s vocab. It’s a fibrous component of a tough muscle that runs from the lowest part of your buttocks, along the sides of the knee and connects with the calf muscle. Serious runners sometimes experience severe pain on the sides of their knees. This is called “ITB syndrome.” I’ve never experienced any such thing, until earlier this year.
It’s 12:48 a.m as I write this, and I’ve just run five and a half miles.
The distance from where I live to certain places I’ve measured on mapquest are 5 mile points. Sometimes I run to Dupont Circle, which is 5.2 miles. Sometimes I run to Tryst in Adams Morgan, which is 5.5 miles.
Tonight, I ran to Tryst.
Running at night for me isn’t for the sheer pleasure of it, or for the endorphin rush that comes when I hit the hill going up 18th street. I’ve always had nighttime “runs” of different sorts over the years. I ran tonight even though I ran two miles and cycled for another two earlier this evening.
When I used to skateboard, at 3 a.m most mornings I would find myself blazing around the city, listening to System of a Down on my ipod (3rd generation at the time), being eyed warily by cops. They must have wondered who this shirtless, sweating person skateboarding in forty degree weather was.
When I had a bike (I’ve lost three to the city and don’t feel like getting one anytime soon), sometimes I found myself riding to Georgetown at night, to the Golden Key Bridge, or as far as my legs would take me.
The weather never mattered to me, because as I said before I was never doing it for the thrill. It was to escape.
Earlier this year, I was running five to ten miles per night in twenty-five degree weather. The scenario would always be the same. I would be sitting down, and suddenly feel an overwhelming frustration with everything around me. The quietness of my room would start getting to me, and nothing could assuage my feelings. A good song, a tasty treat, or even the lure of sleep weren’t ever able to quell whatever it was I was feeling.
So like Forrest, I started running.
I started doing two miles a day, wondering if I had the stamina to do more. After the first day, I felt very unfulfilled. The next evening, I ran six miles.
It is an interesting feeling to run in a cold climate. The icy winds hit you mercilessly in the face and you have a distinct sense of being alive. Your lungs are on fire from breathing in air cool enough to freeze a soda, and yet you are sweating, your body fighting against the elements.
Sometimes on these runs, I would step up the activity, stopping every four blocks and do twenty pushups. I felt like I was in the army; an army of one.
Whenever I run, I realize how scary I must look. My face is tight with exhaustion, my body is wilted and I’m moving slowly at times. Every now and then I would say, “Come on man, keep going!”
I might clap a few times, or wave my hands to recharge, and push on. When I run, the road before me disappears and becomes a sea of thought. I know why I run. I’m running from the frustrating memories of the past, I’m running from the torturous things that have happened to me and I’m running from things that I can never escape. The image of a dead friend in a coffin. The flashes of a car hitting into me from an old car accident. The voice of my Grandfather just before he died, whispering to everyone gathered around him: “Sing for me.”
As I run, this is where my mind is. I’m running against time, and everything around me. I often run until my lungs give out, and I lean against a wall, heaving and gasping for breath, praying that I can breathe normally again. Other times I am like a machine, running ten miles and feeling no signs of fatigue knowing that my return journey is another ten miles.
I jog with music occasionally, and it has its own tales to tell. I may listen to the petulant crooning of Cold Play, the violent angry stories of a myriad dancehall artistes, or I may listen to nothing at all, just the wind on my ears and the sounds of cars as they flash by in a streak of color.
No matter how far I run, the inevitability of the activity hits me. You can’t run forever, and no matter how far you travel, you can’t escape yourself. I’ve sat on the beaches of Hawaii, walked the streets of Berlin and watched the sunrise from the window seat of a 747 over the Atlantic ocean. Yet, I still run.
Distance doesn’t equal happiness, nor does it measure out doses of pleasure in some weird ratio that the universe has developed. No matter how far one travels, or runs, you eventually have to go back home.
In the moment when my run is almost over, when I’m covered in sweat, my lower back aches, and I feel my knees start to hurt, I clap once more. “One more mile.” I chant, as sweat drips off my nose and leaves black dots on asphalt.
At this point the high is gone, and the thoughts that were behind me as I was running are now directly beside me, grinning and cackling like lecherous witches. I don’t’ mind, because like I said, you can’t escape yourself, and wherever you run to, you always end up where you start.
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